BULLDOGO Worldwide  Portfolio: Boys' Abuse  Region: Queensland, Nothern territory & Western Australia

	Bulldogo's November
	Everyday Attitudes Say A Lot About Society    I  was visiting with in-law relatives a few nights ago and a conversation arose that, I believe, is telling of the way we think about men and women and their place in the world. Most of you, that are reading this, would have been involved in a conversation that mirrors the one I had because the problem of domestic/personal violence is an unfortunately endemic one in society. We were talking about a young couple – the male is a relative of my wife’s – of about 19 and 20 years of age. Both of them have had hard lives – broken families, foster homes, no-hoper parents, drugs, alcohol, you name it – and both have bad tempers and are volatile. They are both under-educated, unskilled and under-employed. The really sad part is that she has a 3 year old boy from a previous relationship and they have a 4 month old daughter together.    My wife’s aunt made the statement that she knew that he (the male relative) throws her (his other) around a bit. My wife chipped in with “I’ve seen her with bruises and scrapes a few times”, another told how they had suspected something for a while. This went on for a few minutes, by which time I had made my mind up that this bloke was a scumbag and somebody needed to put him in his place.     The feeling at the table was that it was a problem that he had and that there wasn’t much that could be done other than getting her away from him. He just shouldn’t touch her in any way and somebody needed to go in there and tell him, in particular one of the males at the table. The women present believed that they should help her out in some way – take her in or to a refuge or set her up on her own.    Just when I was ready to go around there myself, right then, and give him a piece of my mind, fist, foot or whatever, my wife comes out with this – “I saw her throw an ashtray at him once - because he didn’t want to mow the lawn”. Pretty soon the counter information started pouring in – “she whacks him all the time”, ‘she goes into mindless, violent rages for no reason at all”, “he has to check in with her by phone constantly when he is out”, “she hit him with a vase once”, “I saw her spit in his face”, “she wrecked his computer”       The reaction by all at the table was quite different to what had been said earlier about him, even though the evidence suggested she was the instigator of most of the violence. Now it was that he should just walk away, take it “like a man” or not get angry and, well, just do whatever the fuck she wanted him to do and things would be fine.        Nobody said we needed to go in there and help him, nobody said they would let him stay at their place for a while, no-one said that they could help him in any way at all. It was all up to him to sort his life and relationship out.      These societal attitudes are also playing on the people immediately involved. So he thinks if he pushes/hits/verbally abuses her it’s his innate problem and she thinks likewise. She thinks if she pushes/hits/verbally abuses him it’s somebody else’s problem (his, society’s, her parents, whatever) and he thinks likewise. What a ridiculous mindset we all have.     We (the males reading this) have all been told that you never hit a female in any circumstance – you just walk away. But exactly how do you just walk away when you have no family support, no societal support, no legal support and to top it all off you know that your missus is a vindictive, violent and mendacious individual that will have control of your kid/s.      I read a piece on the net the other day that said that men aren’t the ones that need to get with the program in terms of the gender war, it’s women. Men, in general, have come around to most of the ideals of “women’s lib” by now and they realised long ago that things (they) needed to change. Females, in general, are the one’s that are thirty years behind in thinking about males as equals in all aspects of life. Women still want the chivalry, but don’t want the responsibility, and men generally agree. Of course, most of us already know this. But it is about time we started telling people about it, especially in the situations like mine above. As the Fem’s told us the personal is political.      And what did I do when confronted with the above. I told everyone that to say that he was the only one responsible was not the solution. I said that maybe some of the women present should go around and have a talk with her. They should tell her it was wrong to hit him, verbally abuse him, control him and wreck his possessions. I said that women needed to take responsibility for their own actions. I said that the men there should also go around and tell him it was wrong what he was doing. That we (men and women together) should get them to stop pushing/hitting/verbally abusing the other and that we should have a united front that said any of this situation was wrong and that their kids would pay the price.      The reaction was that I ended up being called a woman-hater, a narrow-minded fool that didn’t understand anything and, I suppose inevitably, a chauvinistic pig. Now the women at the table were quick to resort to this name-calling smokescreen, but the men were much more philosophical and ruminating about what had just happened. They immediately saw the sense in what I had said and I believe that a few seeds may have been planted that will grow to be a significant forest. But, predictably the conversation ended up in a “she’s right, he’s right” argument and the soon ended. What an idealistic, naïve fool I am.

	Bulldogo's First
	Aboriginal Mess, Made Worse   Much has been made of the Australian Federal Governments’ plan to stop child abuse in Aboriginal (Indigenous) communities in outback Australia . Those of the liberal (or leftist) persuasion believe that it is outright racism and think that the government should simply throw even more money at the self-directed communities and let them be. Those realists in the country believe that any abused child is one too many and the government should act swiftly and decisively. The politics seem pretty clear cut – those on the right want direct intervention, those on the left want monetary intervention and the status quo to remain. The fact is that a report into child abuse (XXX) in mostly community led Aboriginal communities found that child abuse of all kinds is rife. Children are routinely subjected to neglectful, physical, sexual and emotional abuse in almost all of these communities. Pornography is common viewing for many children, interpersonal violence is widespread and children are subject to routine neglect (no food, supervision or responsible parental guidance). Physical violence is often used as disciplinary adjustment, and we are not talking about a slap on the behind. Children are often used for sexual gratification by adults and rape is a common occurrence. Pretty terrible stuff, right? Well, beyond what I see as the disgusting attitude of those that would leave the situation as is and just give the communities more money and autonomously led social services – this situation has been getting progressively worse, ironically, as the Progressives have gained more influence – there is a very sad side effect to the overall response to the report and the initial reaction. Now the feminised, liberal press is involved and suddenly all the Australian public is hearing about is sexual abuse and violence against women. While these are horrible situations, they are far from the total story. The child sexual abuse side has concentrated on the abuse of young girls (10-16) by male elders. Some of these girls have been “promised” as wives to Elder Aboriginal men as part of their cultural beliefs. Cultural beliefs are virulently defended by many of the Progressives as helping Aboriginals find identity and meaning in their lives. This situation has been going on for the last thirty-odd years. When it comes down to the bones of it, the fact is that the promising and marriage of young girls is a part of Aboriginal culture. Another part of Aboriginal cultural belief is that a man may use physical violence against his wife for discipline. These are the facts – facts many people don’t acknowledge. Now that the open secret has been let out of the bag all the media wants to concentrate on is the abuse by males against females. The truth of the matter is that the men of these communities have been subjected to abuse just as much as the women. If the problem has been endemic for time immemorial and boys believe that this is the way that you are supposed to behave, why is it such a shock that they behave that way? Their behaviour has been supported by their mothers, aunties and grandmothers as much as it has been by their fathers, uncles and grandfathers. But when they reach the age of beyond-innocence they are supposed to have an independent epiphany and realise that they shouldn’t do what theirs Elders – female and male – have shown them they should. Beyond these points there is still the fact that Aboriginal parents – mothers and fathers - neglect, physically and emotionally abuse their girls and boys. Why cant the Australian public be told this? Aboriginal women physically and emotionally abuse their male partners the same as men abuse their wives. Mothers abuse their son’s and daughter’s the same as father’s do. Abuse is abuse. Why is this a secret? Until societies can face up to the fact that women are just as abusive as males the problem will perpetuate. Until societies, especially Western societies, acknowledge the fact that women are actually fully-fledged humans and can be just as destructive as males, the problem will exacerbate. The losers of the prevailing system are not just girls and women, they are also boys. When these boys gain their man-like bodies, but still adhere to boy-like ideologies, they are blamed outright for the problems. This is abuse. Why is this a secret? The problems go much deeper, but this is never acknowledged in the mainstream. It is time for a change.  For a detailed look at a Australian Government report on this issue click the link : www.nt.gov.au/dcm/inquirysaac/ pdf/bipacsa_final_report.pdf